Hello! First I want to thank all of you that have read Wellspring Expressions thus far. Bless you! It is on my heart to share about the power of forgiveness and prayer for those that are responsible for your pain. In order to do so, I want to be very transparent, believing that someone will be helped as a result.
When I was fifteen I was raped. The waves of emotion seemed impossible to describe at the time. In the flood of emotions, I could identify shock, embarrassment, fear, and shame. Once the news reached my family, the journey began, at the police station. I remember walking into the police station and being directed to a room that looked a lot like what I'd seen on television. I spoke with detectives, recounting the entire story with great detail, for what seemed like hours. When leaving the police station, I remember squinting because the sunlight hurt my right eye. It was almost swollen shut from a broken blood vessel and what seemed to be an unceasing flow of tears.
The physical and emotional pain I felt in that moment, seemed to take my breath away. The weeks to come would be filled with more talks with detectives and finally a trip to the courthouse. I had rehearsed this event so.. many... times. My prayers were that I wouldn't have to say it anymore, especially in the presence of the one responsible for my pain. We arrived for court and was asked to wait in a separate area as deliberations began. I sat in front of a window that was a clear view of blue sky and white clouds. While the legal team deliberated, I prayed. While looking out of a window that was a perfect contrast of what was going on in my mind and heart, I prayed. For hours, quietly, repeatedly. One simple prayer, "Lord, please. I don't want to go in there. I don't want to tell this story again."
The lawyer came to us and said a lot, but I only heard two words, "It's over." God answered. I didn't have to tell the story again. The judge ruled and I could begin to move forward with life. However, after this, I was uncertain on which way was forward.
For a long time, I didn't tell the story. I didn't talk about it. Except to God, a lot.
I knew that I was loved by my heavenly Father but I hurt so badly.
"God, did I do something wrong?"
"God, I'm angry."
"God, my heart hurts."
"God, I feel alone and worthless."
In the months and years to follow I began to experience for myself the power of God's love for me. When I read His word, it healed my heart, and saved my life. I would not have survived, had I not had the living word of God. He spoke to me through His word, in one of the darkest times of my life.
When I thought I was worthless He told me I was His poetry.
For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them.
Ephesians 2:10
The word workmanship in the original language of this scripture is poiema, which is where the word poem originates. How amazing to learn that I was created as the poetry of God.
He answered the pain in my heart with His nearness.
The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he delivers those who are discouraged.
Psalms 34:18
After receiving his healing. He answered the questions, " What now? How will this affect my life?"
And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
He was faithful in every step of my healing with His comfort, patience, and loving kindness toward me. However, the process was not complete.
But I say to you who are willing to hear: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6: 27-28
Whew! Wow God! Mistreatment does not seem to accurately describe this situation. However, it actually does. To be mistreated is to be treated badly. I was raped and I was treated very badly.
Because I value my relationship with God, I didn't want to be found guilty of embracing all the comforting scriptures but not this challenging one.
How? What do I pray for the man who raped me?
I asked God to allow me to see him with His eyes, and not mine.
Dear God,
I forgive him. I'm asking that you forgive him. Please save him! I pray that He comes to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. Let this mistake not derail the destiny you designed for his life. In Jesus' name I pray.
Amen
That prayer was the most difficult and humbling prayer I'd ever prayed. It changed my heart. The last person I thought I'd pray for was my rapist. However, God showed me, myself. I have made mistakes. I have sinned. I have missed the mark and I NEED GOD! I need His forgiveness. The sin I commit is not less sinful than the sin committed against me.
My responsibility is to love from my experience with a loving and forgiving God. As a result, I did not have a right to hold on to my hurt and unforgiveness.
Several years later, I saw him. I wondered what I would do, or how I'd feel, if this moment ever happened. My response? Tears. This time, they were tears of gratitude because when I saw him, he was at a worship service. I never saw him again, but by faith, I believe that God answered my prayers.
Forgive. It's time.
For Reflection
Is there hurt in my heart caused by someone?
Have I forgiven that person or persons?
Have I prayed for that person or persons?
Scriptures:
Ephesians 2:10
Psalms 34:18
Romans 8:28
Luke 6:27-28
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